12 TO THE MOON: 1960 12 Astronauts from 11 different countries, 2 cats, 2 monkeys, a pair of parakeets and a cocker spaniel make up the most incompatable crew to ever stagger blindly into a lunar adventure. A narrator introduces each character as they walk from the mist to board the rocket, listing their skills and diverse backgrounds. Once inside the giant ship they strap into acceleration seats portayed by standard issue folding lounge chairs that came straight off somebody's pool deck.
The friction begins shortly after liftoff when the Russian guy, Dr. Orloff (Tom Conway) starts to bragg about Soviet contributions to the project and his own mapmaking skills. The Israeli, Dr. Ruskin, tells him not to get any ideas about liberating Israel onto his Russian map like they did for Poland.
	The Swedish woman breaks up the quarrel in time for the obligatory meteor shower. Later, the American whiz-kid figures the descent rate needed to land in his head, and Ruskin remarks at his accuracy. He then points out that the original calculation was made 33 years earlier in Vienna by one Dr. Bernhaur.
"Ironic, isn't it, that for all his brilliance, Bernhaur could have been such a Nazi beast." Here, the sappy plot begins to coagulate. The atomic powered Lunar Eagle One was designed by the oldest member of the crew, Dr. Erich Heinrich of Germany, whom Ruskin greatly admires.
	The Israeli is understandably resentful of this Bernhaur for exterminating his family. As he's venting about it, the Swede and the Brittish guy tell the whiz-kid not to let on to Ruskin about Dr. Heinrich being the son of Bernhaur! Soon it is time to strap in for the firsr lunar landing.
"We made it. We made it.", Captain John Anderson (the other American) flatly states. Hunky jut-jawed Anderson is unable to act, but he can somehow gauge the attitude of the ship with spirit levels in zero gravity. He radios back to Earth that they have landed 37 minutes behind schedule.
	No explanation is given as to why the crew doesn't float about the cabin during the voyage, but at least they attempt to compensate for the fact that they are wearing pressure suits, not space suits. Recording his journal, Ruskin explains that he will now activate his helmet's invisible elctromagnetic shield.
Finally it is time for a moonwalk. Leaving only the Frenchman onboard, fully 11 crewmembers scurry down the ladder to the surface of the set. One can plainly see rectangular light rigging in the lunar sky. The rocket is evidently 3 times as big inside as it is outside. Anderson plants an international flag.
	The crew then splits up for some exploring, with the Swede and the Turkish guy pairing off to use the, get this: air detector. The two discover a cave and pick up a stony-looking mushrom which bursts into flames. They pop off their helmets and kiss, revealing their torrid affair. Then, a wall of ice seals the cave behind them.
Meanwhile, the others are taking mineral samples and finding lumps of gold lying about. Then Dr. Orloff a spies melon-sized glowing crystal. The Nigerian says, "It's beautiful, but evil. Evil and sharp like the Jewel of Media!" Orloff names his find The Media Stone and is anxious to search for more of such treasure.
	To expose other buried material, they fire a moon-mortar they just happened to have into an embankment. Out spews a spring of what appears to be molten silver. The intrepid Orloff runs right up and sticks both hands in it, burning the hell out of himself, and screaming in pain.
As Dr. Orloff is escorted back to the ship by the Japanese woman, the others realize that the Swede and the Turk have not returned. Finding footprints, they check the cave but the ice wall is a dead end. As they exit, the Brittish guy slips into lunar quicksand! He is sucked down in, and then there were nine.
	The party returns to the rocket with their air supply expiring. Captain Anderson summons them to the bridge with news that contact with Earth has been lost. Suddenly a scrolling message of strange pictograms is received. No explantion is given as to why the Japanese woman is able to decipher them.
It seems that the Great Coordinator of the underground moonpeople is throwing them off the moon. They are telepathic and studying the two captured lovers to determine if they want to destroy mankind or not. As Ruskin and Orloff debate whether this is a hoax, Dr. Heinrich suffers a heart attack.
	In his delerium, Heinrich reveals that his real name is Bernhaur! Under the circumstances, Ruskin decides not to hold it against him. Another communication comes in from the moonpeople. They want the 2 cats! The astronauts take the totally not airtight cat cubicles outside. The cats disappear into a shadow.
En route for Earth, the dog barks a warning that the Media Stone has caught fire. The stone has to be pushed out the airlock by the Brazilian guy. Returning home, they find North America has been frozen by the moonpeople, so a plan is devised: drop a bomb in a volcano to reverse the process.
	Straws are drawn to decide who takes the space taxi (a little Estes rocket) to crash through the "frozen atmoshpere" and drop an atom bomb assembled from bomblets onboard. Dr. Orloff catches the Frenchman trying to sabotage the construction. He calls Orloff a traitor for not helping cripple the westerners.
When Dr. Orloff tries to slug him with his roasted, bandaged hands, it is like a Three Stooges routine. Hearing the struggle, Anderson knocks the Frenchman cold. And who drew the shortest straws? Ruskin and Heinrich, of course. They say their goodbyes and launch knowing it is likely to be a suicide mission.
	It IS a suicide mission, and what's more, it doesn't work. The Lunar Eagle One is caught in the big freeze as evidenced by big fat chunks of dry ice being scattered along the contol panel. It looks totally hopeless until another transmission comes from the moonpeople. They have made up their moonminds about man.

After studying our emotions and seeing the self-sacrifice of Ruskin and Orloff, they have decided to relent and warm the world back up. Next time we come back we will be welcomed as friends. THE END...Yeah, sure we will, as long as we send better actors next time.

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